Can't say I'm looking forward to the fear assignment. Not that I guess I should be.
I don't really have difficulties talking about my fears. And very frankly, I know already what my worst fear is.
I'm absolutely terrified of losing a child.
But what really worries me is having to tangibly build something that represents that fear. I don't look forward to that at all.
My friend said to build a model of the baby from P.T. I'll spare you an image.
I have very strong mixed feelings about the baby from P.T. It's this deformed fetus in the sink that cries and cries.
I can't stand to look at it, it's so bothering. But when I hear it cry, I feel terrible. I want to save it, you know. But you can't do that. You can't save undead fetuses from video games.
Oddly enough, I'm known to do similar things in my dreams. In my dreams, I frequently save babies. Often when I'm terrified, myself. I once saved a mummy-baby in a dream while I was being chased by evil mummies. I didn't really hesitate, I just took the baby and ran. In another I saved a ghost toddler. What's even weirder about that was that it was a lucid dream. In the dream things were starting to get creepy. I was trying to get out of the room I was in as fast as I could and when I went to shut the door behind me, something was pushing back. I opened the door and a little ghost toddler came walking out. I picked her up. I was ready to take the ghost toddler and go. But then I said, "If I'm so scared, I should just wake up." So I did.
Some of my happiest dreams have been pregnancy dreams. Until I start to catch on to the fact that I'm not pregnant. Lately I end up thinking, "How did I get pregnant in the first place?" And then I realize I'm dreaming.
In real life I tend to stray away from taking care of other people's kids because I'm scared of getting too attached or doing something wrong. But I'd do anything for my siblings.
I know I'm baby-centric. And I think when I have my own children, that will work to my advantage. Unfortunately, until then, I'm caught between longing to have a baby of my own and being terrified beyond all reason to try. I don't know what I'd do if I lost a child.
I'd probably die. I'd want to.
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