Relinquishing Control

My fear is: Relinquishing Control

Is the fear you identified for this project a fear, phobia, anxiety, or worry? Anxiety

In what ways do you notice fear in your life? Headaches, increased heart rate, frequent nervousness and worrying, distant relationships, decreased social activity, nausea

What does fear keep you from experiencing? I don't go to parties. I don't allow people to get close to me. I have difficulty relaxing.

What is the use of fear in your life? My fear of relinquishing control does help me in some ways. I am a self-starter. I live by the idea that if you want something done right, you do it yourself. I am independent. I plan and make responsible decisions.

How does fear affect your life, especially in terms of creativity? I feel like my fear helps me in terms of creative expression. Because of my inability to relax in conventional ways, I blow off steam by making art. Although I tend to be a bit of perfectionist about my work, I think the intense way that I go about creating my artwork is similar to screaming into a pillow or punching a punching bag. Afterwards, I feel much better and I have a work of art I can be proud of.

What form does your fear take? I am a control freak. I don't like to take down my walls and let people in. I don't like to show emotions I perceive as weakness (sadness or lovestruck). I don't like to move forward without a plan. I especially dislike it when plans come unhinged. I do everything I can to feel like I have control over my life. I like to get good grades, do well and work hard at my job, create finished art pieces, get christmas/birthday shopping done early, have a clean car/room (which I rarely do but I like to do), make my own food, etc.

How does making a creative project about your fear impact how you view it? I'd always known that I was a perfectionist about my artwork and that I used it as a way to blow off steam, but it hadn't occurred to me until I was making my project that I used my art as a way to give myself a feeling of control over my life.

 My project is an aluminum foil "cast" of my hand as a fist clenched around a scrapped piece of art. This is a depiction of my fear of relinquishing control. It illustrates how I use art to make myself feel like I have a grip on my life. Throwing away a scrapped piece of art is another way in which I have been taking control (lately) as it is a reflection of the way that I am currently weeding out my life of people that don't deserve to be a part of it.